Don't Mess With Tigger

Last month, news channels across the nation aired footage of Tigger “punching” a 14 year-old kid at Disney World. It’s hard to tell from the tape what actually went down behind Tigger’s back. The kid could’ve pulled his tail. Tigger could’ve lost his balance. Unfortunately, it’s a mystery we’ll never solve, like, ‘The Bermuda Triangle’ or ‘Does Bigfoot Really Exist?’ Personally, I think Tigger was falsely accused. Where was I going with this?

Oh, right. There’s got to be more to Orlando than Disney.

Thus came the inspiration for….

TOP TEN THINGS TO DO IN ORLANDO WITHOUT RISKING AN ASSAULT BY A DISNEY CHARACTER

10. Sky Venture Orlando: Enjoy a unique free flying experience at this huge, vertical wind tunnel that generates a 120 mph column of wind in a tubular chamber, simulating the free fall experience. While researching this one, I noticed that their website requests that you come 15 minutes early because “you’ll want to use the restroom and get ready for your experience.” I wish I were kidding.

9. Gatorland: The “Alligator Capital of the World” boasts an 800-seat amphitheater where you can take in an alligator wrestling match. Now is that Man vs. Alligator or Alligator vs. Alligator?

8. Jungle Adventures Nature Park: The natural habitat jungle home of the 200 foot-long roadside wonder, Swampy, The World’s Largest Alligator. What is Orlando’s obsession with gators?

7. Discovery Cove: Guests can enjoy swimming with gators–err, I mean, dolphins–and thousands of exotic fish.

6. Lakeridge Winery: 127-acre estate overlooking the scenic countryside of South Lake County, which offers free tours and wine tastings. I would imagine all those gators don’t seem as scary after a few drinks.

5. Wonder Works: Florida’s only upside-down adventure at this classically designed, three-story building that appears to have landed upside-down on top of a 1930s era brick warehouse. Visitors can also “experience the trembling of earthquakes or be blown away by hurricane force winds while at this attraction.” Sounds like a good ‘ol time.

4. Kennedy Space Center: This place needs no introduction. If anyone out there has the opportunity to visit, can you get the inside scoop about that diaper-wearing astronaut and report back? Thanks.

3. Orlando Hauntings Ghost Tour: Uncover the dark secrets that haunt the streets of downtown Orlando during this 90-minute walking tour. Orlando’s only dark secret that comes to my mind is that it is the “Boy Band Capital of the World.” Okay, I guess that is pretty scary.

2. Harry P. Leu Gardens: Visit the largest formal rose garden in Florida and the second largest camellia collection. A camellia is a genus of flowering plants in the family Theaceae, native to eastern and southern Asia from the Himalaya east to Japan and Indonesia. I had to google that one.

1. Orange Blossom Balloons: Florida's number one hot air balloon ride company invites you to enjoy a romantic, champagne balloon flight over scenic Orlando with your loved one….or someone you meet at the conference.

Let’s review. There’s lots of fun stuff to do in Orlando, like fear for your life in a simulated sky diving machine, find yourself in an earthquake while upside-down and blown away by hurricane force winds, or watch someone get their arm torn off by a 200 foot-long gator.

Disney’s looking pretty good right about now.

Bring it on, Tigger.